Fate's Never Ending Joke
by PathofChaos
Summary: Naruto lived a reclusive life, always in his twin sister's shadow. She was a Jinchuriki and the outgoing child of the Hokage. It was only natural people would love her. An unfortunate accident would teach him to see the funny side. Insane/Evil!Naruto. AU


Fate's Never Ending Joke

**This story is sort of a long shot. I've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately and I recently watched The Dark Knight. Don't get me wrong, I'll continue it either way, I just want to know if people are actually interested to read it. Warning it is an AU story. Evil/Insane! Naruto. If you like it please leave a review at the bottom. Remember, this is my first story.**

x-X-x

_"Some people are just fated from birth to endure life's ceaseless joke. But people like me...we don't follow the rules."_

x-X-x

Kushina's emerald eyes fluttered open as her hazy vision began to clear. It was a challenge for the Uzumaki to keep her heavy eyelids open as she scanned the room. A frown touched her lips as she tried to make sense of the situation. The stiffness of her back reminded her of her previous sleeping arrangements; using the cold floor of the outside world as a makeshift mattress.

"Minato!" She shouted in a panic-struck voice. The red headed woman threw her covers from her body as she attempted to push herself out of bed. Unfortunately she had underestimated the levels of exhaustion her body was currently under. Her shaky arms collapsed, leaving her in the same position she had awaken in.

The door swung open as Konoha's Yellow Flash appeared at his wife's bedside, his face a mixture of worry and relief. "Kushina! Thank god you're alright..."

"What the hell is going on?" Kushina paused as a sudden thought crossed her mind. "Where is my baby?"

"Babies," Minato corrected his lover with a small smile.

"What?" The red headed woman's eyes were as wide as dinner plates at this point.

Minato brushed open his cloak to reveal two small infants; one boy and one girl. They were both sleeping peacefully in their father's arms. The boy obviously took after his father, if his unkempt blond hair was anything to judge by. The girl, much like her mother, was born with a dark red pigment of hair. He smiled towards his wife, "They're twins."

Kushina's eyes lit up as she brought a shaky hand to her eyes in an attempt to wipe away her flowing tears. "Can I hold them?"

The Hokage nodded as he set the two siblings in their mother's awaiting arms. He gestured towards the baby girl, "Her name's Hikomi."

"Hikomi-chan..." Kushina tested the name out with a giggle. She was in a state of maternal bliss as she stared into her daughter's hazel eyes. Turning towards the other bundle she asked, "What about our son?"

"I haven't named him yet," Minato answered with a sheepish smile. "I figured you would want to."

Kushina's smile lit up as she nodded. "Hmm... How about Naruto?"

The Yellow Flash chuckled at the odd choice, "Like the Ramen topping?"

Now it was no secret that Uzumaki Kushina's appetite for the salty broth was on par with that of an Akimichi, so it came as a surprise when she shook her head. "No, like the maelstrom. A true Uzumaki's name..."

"Naruto it is then!" Minato smiled at his children as he pried them from Kushina's arms. He set them in a small crib that was placed next to the master bed. "They deserve to rest. It's been a long night. For all of us."

Kushina's expression sobered at this point. "You never did explain what happened."

"What do you want to know?"

"Well let's start with the obvious... How am I still alive?" Kushina's voice was little more than a whisper.

"You know that the extraction of a Biju usually means certain death for the container, right?" At his wife's nod Minato continued, "Well this usually occurs in one of two ways. Either the sudden loss of chakra is too much for the Jinchuuriki's body to take and they die of chakra exhaustion, or there is a fail-safe built into the seal to kill the user just before extraction. You know, in an attempt to kill to Biju as well."

Kushina rolled her eyes at her husband's explanation. "I don't need a textbook definition. I _am _a seals master, remember? None of this explains how I'm still alive..."

"I was getting to that," Minato sighed as he rubbed his throbbing temple. "Your seal wasn't built with a fail-safe, as you obviously know already. I assumed that you would have...died...from chakra exhaustion in that case. However, do to your natural chakra reserves and abnormally long lifespan; you were able to beat this."

"I think I remember Mito telling me something similar to that. She told me that she could have had a chance to live if she had been younger," Kushina frowned as her gaze shifted to her sleeping children. "So if the Kyubi is actually out of me... Which one did you seal it in?"

"I didn't seal it," Minato whispered remorsefully.

"What do you mean? Nobody else in Konoha could have sealed it!" Kushina argued.

"That's not true. I wanted to seal it, and I intended to in the beginning..." Minato's apologetic eyes locked with his wife's own. "Hiruzen did it."

"No. That's not possible. Sarutobi-sama wasn't good enough at Fūinjutsu to seal a Biju-."

"He didn't have to be... He used Shiki Fūjin." Minato answered simply.

"You let him use _that_?" Kushina exclaimed with wide eyes. "How could you? You - of all people - should know the side effects of that jutsu!"

Minato's fists clenched shut as he bit his lower lip. "There was no other way! I was going to use Shiki Fūjin in his place. It would have taken me days to create a seal powerful enough to hold back the Kyubi safely. He somehow caught wind of my plan and convinced me to allow him to take my place. It should have been me..."

Kushina wrapped her hand around her husband's. Her expression was one of both remorse and understanding. "It can't be helped. If Sarutobi-sama was really willing to sacrifice his life for the good of the village, that's his choice. Don't mourn in his decision. He gave you a chance to live; a chance to be a father!"

Minato nodded sadly, accepting his spouse's words. He plopped down in bed, finally allowing himself to forget the day's events. "I sealed it in Hikomi. She was the first born."

"Life can be hard for a Jinchuuriki… I know that from experience," Kushina whispered as she felt her consciousness falter.

"It'll be different this time. Konoha will see her for the hero she is. I'll make sure of it," Minato stated firmly as he too gave into his lack of sleep.

x-X-x

"Mom!" A child's high pitched voice shouted. "Hikomi stole my rice ball!"

"I did not!" An equally pitched voice, this time feminine, called in retort.

"Did too," the first voice, belonging to a blond boy of around four years old, argued. He was dressed in a simple black tee shirt with an orange spiral on the back and a pair of grey shorts.

The red headed girl glared at her brother as she popped the remainder of the rice ball into her mouth. She was dressed similarly to her brother; with a sleeveless white shirt marked with the Uzumaki spiral and a pair of black shorts. "Nuh uh!"

Kushina made her way into the dining room where her two children sat arguing. The dining room was decorated in a traditional Japanese fashion; with varying shades of brown decorating the walls and ceiling and a large window allowing the sun's rays to illuminate the room. The red headed matriarch of the family turned an accusing gaze toward her daughter, "Hikomi...did you steal your brother's food?"

Hikomi shook her head promptly, despite her inflated cheeks and the visible bits of rice lining her lip. She quickly swallowed. "No."

"Hikomi... Don't lie to your mother."

"I'm not!" The Jinchuuriki protested stubbornly.

"That's it, I gave you a chance. Go to your room!" Kushina ordered sternly.

Hikomi's mouth dropped open in horror. "What? That's not fair!"

"Life's not fair. Now go!" Kushina barked out.

"It's not my fault he's too weak to stop me!" The red headed toddler shot her brother a spiteful glare as she ran out of the dining room.

Kushina noiselessly gasped as she turned towards her son with an apologetic look. "She didn't mean that Naruto."

Naruto's eyes darkened as he hung his head in shame. "Yes she did... I'm not as strong as her. No matter how hard I try she's always better."

_'That's a side-effect of possessing the strongest of the Biju,' _Kushina mentally retorted, remembering her own unnatural strength as a child. "You don't need to be stronger than your sister. It's not a contest."

"I know," Naruto said as his lips pulled into a frown. "It's just she's better than me at everything! She's faster and stronger and she's going to be a better ninja than me..."

Kushina sighed as she bit her bottom lip, pondering the situation at hand. Her eyes lit up as she spoke, "I know what we can do! How would you like to learn Fūinjutsu?"

"Fuin - what?"

"Fūinjutsu," Kushina clarified. "It's a rare skill that only very dedicated people can master! I could teach you if you'd like."

"Would Hikomi learn too?" Naruto questioned with suspicious eyes.

"I don't think Hikomi would like Fūinjutsu," Kushina said with a smile. "It's a precise and patient art…and those are two words I wouldn't use to describe her."

"Okay!" Naruto's smile lit up as he hopped to his feet eagerly.

"Good," Kushina paused as she fished through the drawers, searching for paper and a writing utensil. She quickly scribbled down a series of kanji, or random markings as Naruto would describe them. "Before you can learn how to seal, you need to learn how to write. I want you to copy down these symbols as best as you can. It's going to take a while, so be patient."

Naruto nodded as he earnestly shuffled around for his own paper. He caught a glimpse of red out of the corner of his eye as he turned to identify it. "Mom, why is Hikomi outside?"

Kushina followed her son's gaze as she too spotted her rebellious daughter. "That little brat... Stay here and copy the drawings. I'll be right back."

Naruto didn't seem to register his mother's words, however, as he was in an entirely different world at the moment. His attention was completely enticed by the strange art.

x-X-x

"Hikomi!" Kushina shouted testily as she stalked towards the door. She was halted as her husband stood in front of the door, blocking her path.

"What happened?" Minato questioned as he identified his spouse's crummy mood.

"Your daughter happened," Kushina explained cryptically. "I sent her to her room five minutes ago. I looked out the window and what did I see? Hikomi was playing in the yard! Disobedient brat."

"Calm down," Minato whispered soothingly as he rubbed his wife's shoulders. "I told her that she could go play outside."

"Minato!" Kushina spun around on her heel and shot an accusing glare towards her husband.

"She told me what happened."

"Did she tell you that she lied directly to my face?" Kushina questioned hotly.

"Kids will be kids, Kushina-chan!" Minato expressed his opinion loudly. "Don't worry about it. I gave her a stern talking to regarding her actions."

"I'm sure you did but that's not the point," Kushina sighed at her husband's obliviousness. "We have to back each other up! If the kids think they can get their way with one parent over the other they'll split the house up!"

"That won't happen," Minato assured his wife. "Next time I'll talk to you before letting her off the hook."

"That's all I'm asking," Kushina muttered as she attempted to ignore her splitting headache.

"You really need to get away from here for a night. What do you say? Let's go get dinner and see our friends." Minato pitched his idea to the surprised Uzumaki.

"I want to. We can't leave the kids alone, though." The seals master smiled sadly.

"I've got that covered! I asked Rin to stop by and watch them for the night. You know how much they love her."

"Yeah..." Kushina smiled uncertainly. "It's only one night, after all."

"That's what I was saying!" Minato's lips pulled into a grin as he entangled his fingers together with his wife's. They shared a smile as they walked off happily, sparing a passing greeting for Rin.

From the second story window a pair of sapphire eyes watched the scene unfold. The expression on his face was unreadable, and shadowed by the setting sun. His grip loosened as a sheet of paper floated to the ground. The sheet of paper was completely filled out with kanji. The perfect penmanship was not that of his mother, but his own. He pressed his tanned fingers on the glass longingly as he watched his parents leave.

x-X-x

Naruto's bright smile lit up the dreary road ahead of him as he walked slowly towards the academy, hand in hand with his mother. He was seven years old, with only a few more months until his eighth birthday. A lot had changed in the almost four years he had been learning the Ninja Arts. First and foremost was his skill in Fūinjutsu. The ancient and supposedly difficult art came easily to the boy. He had grown leaps and bounds in skill; as he was now at the point where he could create his own storage scrolls and explosive tags. Despite his abnormal progress he could never seem to learn enough. The blonde's lust for knowledge was impressive, rivaling his father's as a child.

Fūinjutsu hadn't been the only thing that Naruto learned in the last four years. He and his sister had also been taught the basic academy Taijutsu style. They were both proficient enough in the style to pass their first two years of Taijutsu tests.

Naruto's smile wavered as his gaze turned to his sister. Their respective fighting styles were obscenely different, despite being fundamentally the same. His sister fought recklessly; she made up most of her strategies on the spot. She was also faster and stronger than her brother.

Naruto fought with more proficiency. He wasn't as fast as his sister, but he was much stronger in his technique. What he lacked in strength he made up for in accuracy and the placement of his shots. While he was still early in his development he had also shown a knack for strategy. He was smart, patient and able to keep a level head during a spar. That much couldn't be said for his sister.

"I can't wait to show everybody how good I am! I'm gonna kick ass and take names!" Hikomi shouted as she pumped her fist into the air. Her face was glued into a broad grin as she nearly skipped down the road.

"Hikomi! Watch your language," Kushina scolded with a roll of her eyes. She was happy with her daughter's enthusiasm for school, but she that didn't mean she'd let her daughter get away with cussing.

"Sorry..." Hikomi muttered without dropping her smile for a second.

_'She's always smiling,'_ Naruto inspected his sister carefully. _'Is that the secret to why she's always so happy? Maybe If I smiled more I would be happy?'_ Naruto's lips twisted into an awkward and forced grin as he continued walking.

Kushina pulled both her children into a hug as a sad smile touched her lips. "I can't believe you two are already entering the academy! I know you'll both be great. Good luck!"

The two Namikaze children nodded as they bolted towards the academy door. Well, in Hikomi's case. Naruto instead settled for a fast paced walk.

Kushina walked slowly away from the academy grounds, blissfully unaware of the day's effect on the future of her family.

x-X-x

"Can I please have your attention?" Iruka called from his spot at the front of the large classroom. His eye twitched in annoyance as he realized that his words had no effect at all on the classroom of talking children. His lips curled into a small smirk as he cleared his throat. "EVERYBODY SIT DOWN!" This got the first year students' attention. They were all seated and silent before Iruka could blink. "Good. My name's Umino Iruka and I will be your primary teacher throughout your academy years. Does anybody have any questions before we begin?"

"Yeah," a pleasantly plump boy in the middle row blurted out. He had straight brown hair and two symmetrical spirals on his cheeks. "When's lunch?"

The class burst out into laughter at the question and Iruka rolled his eyes. "Lunch will be after Konoha History and Ninjutsu Theory. Anymore _necessary _questions?" He opted to ignore the handful of raised hands. "If that's the case then we can move onto roll call. Akimichi Chouji?"

"Here!" The plump boy from before called as he happily dug into a bag of chips.

"Aburame Shino?"

"Here," a collect voice came from the back corner. The next few names went without interruption.

"...Namikaze Hikomi?"

"Here!" Hikomi smiled proudly from her seat in the front row. The class began to murmur at the sound of her name. It was no secret that the Yondaime Hokage's last name was Namikaze. It was also no secret that he had two young children.

"Good," Iruka paused as he scanned the room. "Namikaze Naruto?"

The murmurs began again as Naruto replied quietly, "Here."

By the time roll call was over most of the students were feeling uneasy. They all knew they would be competing against their fellow classmates from the beginning. That was not the problem. The problem was in the matter of just _who_ they were competing against. The Hyuga heiress, the Aburame heir, the next generation of the famous Ino-Shika-Chou trio, both of the Hokage's children and the Uchiha heir were just a few of the big names in the rather small class.

Haruno Sakura, a civilian girl with unnatural pink hair, gulped audibly as she eyed her class. She was no fool. She knew she was at a disadvantage from the very beginning due to her completely civilian family background. Her parents had gone out on a limb to enter her into the shinobi academy. The girl tugged on the sleeves of her blue shirt nervously. She was very worried about her chances of actually becoming a shinobi.

"The first thing we're going to cover is the Hokage," Iruka began as the class composed themselves. "Who can tell me something about the Hokage? I want to know who he is and what he does."

Sakura's hand was instantly in the air. Her green eyes scanned the room nervously, noting the handful of other people who were prepared to answer the question. She desperately wanted to form a lasting impression on her teacher; to prove that she _did _in fact belong with Shinobi.

"Sakura, how about you?" Iruka spoke with a reassuring smile.

Sakura returned the smile apprehensively as she cleared her throat, "The Hokage is the leader of our village. Namikaze Minato is our Yondaime Hokage."

"Right," Iruka confirmed her statement. "Can you tell me about him?"

The pink haired girl gasped noiselessly at the question. She searched her brain for information. She tried to find something - anything - she could use to impress her teacher. Her searching was in vain, however, as she couldn't recall a single fact about the fourth leader of her village. "I-."

She was cut off as the boy to her right side slipped a note under her forearm. He put his finger to his lip and flashed her a mischievous smirk.

Sakura quickly skimmed the note with wide eyes. She regained her composure and she spoke, "The Yondaime Hokage is known as Konoha no Kiiroi Senkō because of his famous technique, Hirashin no Jutsu. He was made famous during the Third Shinobi War when he played a major role in our victory over Iwa."

Iruka nodded with a content smile. He wasn't a fool. He was easily able to spot the outside interference. Despite the fact that it was technically 'cheating' he allowed it to slide. Who was he to dismiss a blatant act of camaraderie? "Very good Sakura. I'm impressed. Now who can tell me about our Sandaime Hokage?"

Sakura beamed at the praise as her gaze flickered to the boy beside her. She blinked as she recognized just who had assisted her. It was the Hokage's son. She wanted to speak to him; to thank him for his help. Unfortunately she didn't want to interrupt Iruka's lesson. She opted to wait until lunch hour to approach the strange blond haired boy.

x-X-x

Naruto sat alone at a table in the academy's cafeteria. He swung his legs inattentively from the large stool as he took a bite from his rice ball. His blue orbs seemed absent as he stared into the mass of people. He watched with disinterest as his sister flocked into a table with several other girls.

All of the girls his sister befriended were exactly like her; bubbly, easily amused and without a care in the world. He idly noted that the heiress of the Yamanaka - Ino if he remembered correctly - was without her pink haired friend.

"Hey," a timid voice called from across the table.

Naruto's head snapped forward as he identified the very girl he was previously thinking of. "Hey."

"Why are you sitting alone?" Sakura asked curiously. All her life she had strived for companionship. She couldn't image sitting alone.

"I dunno," Naruto muttered. "I guess I just want to."

"Don't you have any friends?" She couldn't even comprehend actually being isolated willingly.

"Nope." Naruto's answer was short and to the point. He finished his rice ball as he looked into Sakura's eyes. He seemed extremely straightforward in his admittance of having no friends.

"Why not? I couldn't imagine not having friends!"

"Well friends," Naruto began as he gulped down his water, "Are people. And people are never how they seem. They'll turn on you given the chance."

"No way!" Sakura protested loudly. "My friends would never turn on me! They're not like that!"

"Whatever," Naruto brushed off the girl's defiant attitude. "It's not worth arguing about."

The green eyed girl shook her head at the boy's strange attitude. She smiled as she remembered why she had initially came over, "Thanks for helping me back there."

"I didn't help you," Naruto retorted simply.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Sakura blinked at the strange response.

"I helped myself," Naruto answered. "If you start answering all the questions right there is less of a chance I'll be called on."

"Oh..." Sakura bit her lower lip awkwardly. "Well either way, thank you."

"I like your hair," Naruto smiled as he completely ignored the girl's statement.

"W-what?" Sakura blushed. "Really?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, it's cool. It's so _different_. That's awesome! It's unique…and way better than my hair," Naruto gestured towards his spiky blond locks, "It's too normal."

"I wish I had normal hair..." Sakura sighed. "People always tease me about my hair."

"Eh, who cares what people think?" Naruto smiled as he ran his fingers through his hair. "If I could have any color hair I'd want it purple...-No _green_!"

"Green?" Sakura giggled at the strange choice. "That's so weird though! You'd look creepy!" She pushed herself from the chair as she spoke, "You're really strange, you know that?"

"Yeah I've been told," Naruto frowned as he gestured to the far end of the cafeteria. "Your friends are calling you."

Sakura nodded, "Strange isn't always bad though. See ya around!" With these words she raced off towards her friends.

Naruto chuckled as he heard the faint whispers of disapproval as Sakura's friends scolded her. _'There's nothing wrong with being strange. Nothing at all.'_

x-X-x

A week went by and found Naruto mediating on the hard wood floor of his bedroom, a disgruntled expression on his face. His fingers were pressed into a ram seal. The knuckles were beginning to turn white in a testament to the length of time that he'd been sitting in the same position.

_'Why can't I do it?'_ He grunted in exertion as he tried yet again to gather his chakra. _'Hikomi got her's on the first day! The rest of the class all followed in the next three days.' _He groaned as he plopped down on his back, his face twisted in exhaustion. "But not me! I still can't even feel my chakra!"

The door creaked open as Kushina stepped in hesitantly. "Naruto, what's wrong? I heard shouting."

"Nothing..." Naruto grumbled as he curled into a ball.

"Naruto..." Kushina sighed as she sat next to her son. "You know you can tell me anything."

Naruto rolled his eyes as he frowned. He mumbled something incoherent, expecting his mother to be able to interpret the hidden meaning.

"What was that?" Kushina asked with a raised eyebrow. She nudged her son to translate the message.

"I can't gather my chakra..." Naruto muttered tiredly. He had been up all night trying and he was exhausted; mentally and physically.

"Don't worry. Some people are just late bloomers, that's all." Kushina tried to comfort the depressed boy.

The youngest Namikaze shook his head. "Hikomi got it down right away! She says that I don't have any..."

"Hikomi is far from an expert at chakra, Naruto. You'd need to go to a medic-nin to determine that," the Uzumaki whispered soothingly. "I'm sure it's all in your head. Plus Hikomi's case is...special."

"Because of the Kyubi, right?" Naruto's questioned with a disinterested shrug.

"W-what?" Kushina nearly shouted as she stared at her son in shock. "How do you...?"

"I saw her seal," Naruto spoke with a grin. "It was sort of like a storage seal... So I investigated at the library and I found out about the Kyubi attacking the village. You always told me you could seal basically anything with Fūinjutsu, so I figured why not a Biju?"

Kushina gaped at her son. She was caught off guard by his apparent resourcefulness. "Naruto, you can't tell _anybody_ about what you just learned. Nobody in your generation is supposed to know about that. Not even Hikomi knows. People might not understand that Hikomi and the fox are two different beings"

"It's pretty obvious! Anyone with any experience with storage scrolls should be able to figure it out," Naruto disputed.

"Maybe to you," Kushina drawled her words. "But you'd be surprised how oblivious people can be. Some people won't understand something even if it's shoved in their face. Some people have life all planned out, and when things don't work out exactly how they planned it...they become anxious. They fear anything out of their norm."

_'People fear what they consider strange. Like Hikomi... Or me,' _Naruto recalled the flash of fear in Sakura's eyes when he'd mentioned his beliefs regarding friendship.

"Anyway, I'm sure your chakra problem will resolve itself. Try to get some rest before school. If you want we can take you to the doctor afterwards, if you really want to be sure." Kushina kissed her son's forehead as she exited the room. She disappeared with the dimming light as Naruto fell asleep.

x-X-x

"Minato-sama," a white clad man bowed his head in a respectful display towards his leader. He was dressed in a white lab coat and matching pants. The coat was unbuttoned, revealing a light blue shirt with the kanji for 'heal' inscribed on his breast-pocket.

"Tsukai-san," Minato nodded back towards his family's personal doctor. The man had a shaved head and wore rectangular spectacles. He had caring brown eyes, and a long scar blemishing the left side of his cheek. Tsukai had been Minato's personal doctor for years. He was a far stretch from Tsunade in the terms of medicinal knowledge, but he was definitely above average.

"I have the results of the test," Tsukai spoke with an unreadable tone as he flipped through the clipboard.

"And?" Kushina made herself known to the medic-nin as she stood next to her husband.

Tsukai's tone was one of sorrow as he spoke again, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your son has a genetic dysfunction. He was born with undersized chakra coils."

"What?" Minato's eyes were as wide as physically possible as he processed this information. "What do you mean?"

"Perhaps an analogy would be more appropriate?" Tsukai mused. He frowned as he pondered his words, "An average person possesses a small pool of chakra. The chakra coils are like water pipes, directing the flow of chakra throughout the body. Your chakra, Minato-sama, is more akin to a large pond of chakra flowing through perfectly sized pipes." He paused to take a breath. "Naruto's chakra, however, is a different story. He possesses a very average reservoir of chakra for his age. The problem is that his coils are smaller, more akin to trying to drink the water of a pool using a straw."

Minato nodded remorsefully, still in shock from the influx of information. "So what does that mean? Will he be able to use chakra?"

"Possibly," Tsukai nodded slowly. "With enough training he'll be able to gather the bare minimum amount of chakra to - say - utilize the tree walking technique." Tsukai took a breath as he continued, "Unfortunately he'll never be able to muster enough chakra to form even the simplest jutsu. Anything aside from the most basic chakra concentration will be forever beyond his abilities."

Minato's fists tightened into a clench as he forcefully pushed back tears. "It's not fair..."

"I'm sorry Hokage-sama," Tsukai spoke in an apologetic tone. "This disorder isn't terribly uncommon. Many civilians suffer from the same thing."

Kushina gasped at the sudden convergence of information. She was basically told that her son had little to no chance of becoming a ninja. While she was perfectly comfortable with raising a civilian family, she knew that her son would never be content to live a lesser lifestyle.

When the children were first born Minato had been absolutely giddy in his plans to train them. He was going to teach them both the Rasengan when they graduated. He even planned to teach them the Hirashin sometime down the road! With Hikomi's less than ideal chakra control the Hirashin was clearly out and the Rasengan was still a stretch. Unfortunately his daughter's condition seemed like a blessing in comparison to his son's new found obstacle.

They both turned to see Naruto's emotionless form standing in the doorway of the room he was instructed to stay in. Kushina had no doubt in her mind that he heard the conversation, as he was always gifted with keen senses.

"Naruto..." Kushina whispered as she felt her heartbeat decrease in pace. She was shocked by the look on her son's face. The red head had been mentally contemplating her course of action when it came to breaking the news to her eight year old son. She didn't know exactly how she would pull it off, but she vowed that she'd make it at least somewhat easy to handle.

"I knew it," Naruto stated simply, his voice an unreadable tone. His eyes were iced over to the point that Kushina couldn't so much as guess the emotions he was feeling. He turned on his heel and walked slowly towards the exit. He whispered a phrase quietly so that it wasn't audible to his parents, "This is all just a bad joke…and my life is the punch line."

Kushina turned quickly to her husband, "I'm going to bring him home. Can you finish up here?"

Minato nodded absentmindedly as he watched his wife's retreating figure. He couldn't begin to understand why his family seemed to possess such rotten luck. Maybe it was just one of those things; an act of fate.

x-X-x

Naruto walked slowly through the bleak streets of Konoha. He stared ahead at his feet the entire time, not once averting his gaze from the one sided staring contest. He didn't seem to object against the pouring rain as he continued walking, his stride persistent the entire way.

The blond haired boy's mind was working on overdrive trying to process the insane amount of information the seemingly average day had brought. The seed of it all had been a simple conversation. It was a simple conversation that would change his life entirely.

_'The Yondaime's son... Can't be a ninja,'_ A smirk touched Naruto's lips as he continued his sluggish pace. _'What a joke. What a really bad joke.'_

"Naruto," Kushina's motherly voice called from beside the drenched boy. She was completely dry thanks to the large umbrella sheltering her from the rain's assault. "Come under the umbrella. You'll catch a cold."

Naruto nodded numbly as he increased his pace to match his mother's. As soon as the endless onslaught of rain was brought to a halt Naruto began to shiver.

As if reading her son's thoughts Kushina wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," Naruto answered simply.

"You know you can still be a ninja, right?" Kushina spoke with deliberate emphasis.

Naruto snorted, "Yeah right. I can't even use Ninjutsu or Genjutsu."

"You don't need to use either," the Uzumaki matriarch replied cryptically. "Have you ever heard of Maito Gai?"

"No."

"Well he's a Jonin. He's a Jonin that chooses to only use _Taijutsu_." Kushina's face was pulled into a broad grin. "Imagine what you could do with Taijutsu and Fūinjutsu. With a little trickery and a few unorthodox methods you could probably beat the most skilled Ninjutsu users..."

Naruto turned an apprehensive gaze toward his mother. "How?"

"I'll show you," Kushina said as she fished through her pouch. After a few moments of digging she was able to retrieve a small paper tag with a seal scribed into it. "This is a chakra disruption seal. This will stop a shinobi's chakra for a period of time, depending on their ability. Of course the strongest of ninja will be able to just overload it with chakra, but I'm sure you'll be able to find a way around that."

Naruto's lips twisted into a small, genuine smile as he plucked the tag from his mother's hand. For the first time all week he felt optimistic about his growth as a Shinobi. _'I wonder what I will be able to do with these seals...'_

x-X-x

A ten year old Namikaze Naruto sat atop his roof, allowing his feet to dangle off the edge of the flat surface. He stared hopelessly at the party happening below him. It was mid-day and the Namikaze household was hosting the biggest party in Konoha - aside from the annual Kyubi festival - at their residence. Of course it wasn't just any ordinary party.

_'It's' my birthday... Or rather, Hikomi's birthday.'_ Naruto sat above the large social gathering with tired eyes. Everybody gathered at the Namikaze household for the special event. Somebody - more than often the head - of every noble clan in Konoha was in attendance. They all showered the children with praise in an attempt to get on their leader's good side.

Hikomi absolutely loved the event. She was a social being by the very definition. She wasn't just the most popular girl in her class. No, she was also the top of her class. It seemed she could never do wrong in the eyes of the public. She was the well-mannered, proper looking and hospitable Hokage's daughter.

Naruto was the quiet, reclusive boy who rarely interacted with others. Most people didn't know him, and the ones who did all thought he was simply shy.

He wasn't.

Naruto didn't isolate himself from others because he was afraid, far from it. He chose to keep to himself because he didn't like interacting with people. In fact he hated it. He rarely spoke to people outside his family. Not since his first academy 'friend' – the pink haired girl named Sakura - stopped talking to him.

The reason Sakura had distanced herself from the blue eyed blond was the same reason she left him on the very first day they met. Her friends got in the way. Specifically Hikomi.

Naruto didn't hate his sister. Hate wasn't a strong enough word to describe his feelings towards her. He _loathed_ his sister. She was everything he wasn't; popular, strong and outgoing. Everybody in the village adored her. She could do no wrong; neither in the village's eyes or her father's own.

It was definitely a headstrong move on his part to dislike his sister to such an extent. She really didn't _do _anything wrong. Yes, his hatred was illogical - childish even - but it was still always present. Above all things the reason was actually quite simple. She stole his father's love away from him.

Ever since it was discovered that Naruto couldn't access his chakra in conventional manners he had noticed a change in his father's eyes. He could see disappointment. While the disappointment most likely wasn't aimed towards Naruto, it was still always there. He knew that in his father's eyes he was _always_ second best. Only his mother saw him for what he truly was.

"Naruto, why do you do this to yourself?" A familiar voice called as he turned to see Kushina, dressed in a simple black dress.

"I don't know what you mean," Naruto responded halfheartedly.

"Yes you do," Kushina argued as she stood above her son. "You always do this, every time we're at a party or a gathering. You have to be social! I'm sure if you actually made some friends you would see how great it is."

Naruto now wore a green, sleeveless shirt and black pants. He wore wrist bands with storage seals inscribed in them. They housed his paper and ink; his Fūinjutsu materials. "It doesn't matter. I'm no good at social things."

Kushina offered her hand to her son. "Come on. You'll have a good time. I promise."

Naruto reluctantly accepted the offered limb as he allowed his mother to pull him to his feet. _'Normal people have fun... I'm not normal.'_

x-X-x

Naruto's eyes scanned the enormous crowd of people as he was pulled through it by his mother's grip. Most people who met his gaze would nod respectfully or flash him a smile. They were all basically lying. They didn't respect him. They didn't even know him. They respected his father and his father's accomplishments.

"Mom, how long do I have to be down here?" He questioned with a frown.

"Until you can honestly tell me you've had a good time," Kushina retorted as they continued their trek through the crowd.

"Nii-san!" Hikomi's chipper voice called as the bubbly blonde pushed through the crowd. "There you are, we've been looking everywhere for you."

"You have?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Why?"

"I want you to have fun with us," Hikomi smiled disarmingly at her brother. "It's your birthday too you know!"

Kushina smiled at her children interacting. "There you go Naruto. Go play with your sister and her friends. You'll have a good time."

Naruto scratched his neck as he approached his sister cautiously. He knew something was up with her attitude. She usually wanted nothing to do with her younger - albeit by only a small margin - brother. "What do you want?"

"Come on!" Hikomi chirped as she scooped her brother's hand into her own. She raced off through the crowd. "There's someone I want you to meet."

Naruto raised an eyebrow at this, but opted to allow the events to unfold. He couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling building up in the pit of his stomach as they approached the edge of the crowd.

"Naruto, meet Meirou-san! Meirou-san, meet my Nii-san!" Hikomi grinned as she introduced the two unlikely companions.

Naruto's eyes widened as he took an instinctual step backwards. Standing before him was a tall, pleasantly plump clown, decked out in a bright yellow and green jumpsuit. His face was painted white with a large, red smile across his lips. He wore a curly, red wig and had a matching rubber nose.

"Hey there Naruto-kun!" The cheerful clown smiled brightly at the young boy. "You're looking pretty gloom! How bought Meirou-san plays you a fun tune?"

Naruto took another step back as his eyes flickered back and forth, searching for some sort of escape. It was a little known fact that Naruto was absolutely _terrified _of clowns. Ever since he was young he hated the painted men. It was unexplainable and illogical in all right. It was also undeniable. He bolted away at the sight of the cheerful jesters in the past, but this time was different. He was paralyzed in fear.

"Why so serious little man?" The clown questioned with a good-natured chuckle. "You really need to loosen up. How about we put a smile on that glum little face of yours?" He pinched his nose together, causing the rubber toy to emit a high pitched squeak. He laughed as he pushed on the flower in his breast-pocket. A stream of water shot from the flower and splashed on Naruto's face.

Naruto blinked as he felt himself become nauseous. Before he knew it he collapsed on the ground, fainting from the terror of the unnatural fear.

"Oh my god!" Meirou shouted as he rushed towards the unconscious boy. He immediately checked for a pulse, letting out a sigh as he felt a steady one. His accusing glare turned towards Hikomi, "You knew this would happen, didn't you? You should be ashamed of yourself."

Hikomi merely broke out into laughter as she raced off with her friends, content with their practical joke.

The last thing Naruto saw before he lost consciousness was the clown's cosmetic smile.

x-X-x

Naruto awoke to a throbbing headache. The bright light of day assaulted his unadjusted vision as he pulled the covers over his face. The previous day's events flashed before his eyes as his lips twisted into a shallow snarl. The blond threw his covers from his body as he spotted the two other occupants of the room.

"How do you feel?" Kushina smiled warmly at her son as she handed him a glass of water.

Naruto brought the rim of the glass to his lips as he took a small sip. "Fine."

"Hikomi..." Kushina drawled out her sentence as she nudged her daughter's side.

"What?" Hikomi snapped with an unpleasant glare.

Kushina gestured towards the bed-ridden boy, "Apologize. Now."

"Why? It's not my fault Naruto's a baby who's afraid of clowns!"

"Hikomi!" Kushina snarled out. "Apologize to your brother!"

The Jinchuuriki groaned as she locked eyes with her brother. Her unenthusiastic gaze met his own unreadable one. "I'm sorry, ok? It was just a joke, jeez."

"A joke," Naruto repeated softly.

"Yeah," Hikomi nodded. "A joke. You know, like, ha ha funny?"

Naruto chuckled strangely. "A bad joke. Just like the rest of them."

"Whatever..." Hikomi rolled her eyes at her brother's strange words. "I'm going to leave now."

"I better not catch you out of your room, young lady!" Kushina snapped before turning an apologetic look toward her son. "I'm sorry Naruto. I'll make sure Hikomi and her friends stop picking on you."

Naruto didn't react to his mother's words. He simply sat there with an absent gaze.

"It's perfectly natural," Kushina stated softly as she ran a hand through her son's hair. "Everybody's afraid of something. The key is to embrace your fear; to conquer it."

Naruto nodded numbly as he stared absentmindedly out his bedroom window. He watched the rain fall out his bedroom window with a bored expression as thoughts of maniacal clowns surfaced in his brain.

"Now I'm not saying for you to become a clown," Kushina chuckled as kissed her son's forehead. "Can you imagine that? A shinobi, a born killer, as a clown. Ridiculous."  
>x-X-x<p>

A little over two years have passed since the day of Naruto's twelfth birthday. He sat alone in his room, inspecting a small orb in his palm. The orb was about two and a half inches thick and was a pigmented a strange purple color. A line of seals were inscribed around the circumference of the sphere. He tossed it up in the air and snagged it with his left hand, closely inspecting the sealing array.

A grin touched Naruto's thin lips as he sprung to his feet. He plowed through his bedroom door and rushed down the stairs, clenching his fist around the small purple orb.

"Whoa there," Minato laughed as watched his son race into the kitchen. He looked up from his cup of tea with a grin, "What's the rush?"

An uncharacteristic grin was present on Naruto's face as he tossed his father the small orb, "Here, catch!"

Minato effortlessly caught the orb. Without so much as looking at it he changed the subject, "How are you doing on the Bushin?"

Naruto groaned as his grin receded into a straight face. "That doesn't matter right now, I need to show you what I.-"

"Doesn't matter?" Minato gawked at his son's words. "You won't be able to pass the academy without learning it!"

"I already told you," Naruto scrunched his brow in frustration. "I _can't_ do it. As in I'm physically unable to do it!"

"Unable is just another way to say unwilling," Minato retorted. "I guarantee you will be able to do it with enough practice. Unfortunately you only have another week until your graduation exam."

Naruto's mood deflated as he took a seat at the table. He ran a hand through his unkempt hair. Over the past two years he had allowed his hair to grow. His spiky hair now fell down just inches above his shoulder blades.

"Minato," Kushina rolled her eyes as she entered the large kitchen. "At least look at what your son is trying to show you. He's not going to be able to magically make use of his chakra coils in the two seconds that it'll take."

Minato conceded as he examined the orb with a critical eye. He had to admit that he was actually impressed with the advanced design of the sealing array. "It's some sort of chakra sensitive seal... It reminds me faintly of a disruption seal."

Naruto nodded eagerly. "That's exactly what it is; a chakra sensitive seal. I wrote it into a smoke bomb. It's designed to react to even the slightest amount of chakra being used."

"So," Minato inspected the design further. "If I were to gather my chakra the smoke bomb would go off."

"Yeah," Naruto confirmed his father's theory. "The smoke bomb is just an example, though. I intend to use it with knock-out gas, poison gas...maybe even explosive powder orbs!"

"So If you were to - say - scatter a large quantity of these around the battlefield you could theoretically force your opponent to choose between not using their chakra and being unconscious or perhaps even dead?" Minato nodded his head approvingly. "That's actually a really good idea. Especially for someone like you."

Naruto's beaming mood soured at these words. He excused himself from the table and silently stalked off toward the door.

Kushina shot her oblivious husband a glare as she chased after her offended child.

Minato blinked at the sudden development. He thought he'd been giving his son a compliment, but apparently he'd chosen a set of poor words. "Damn it, what did I do?"

x-X-x

"You don't have to overreact so much," Kushina whispered as she caught up to her son. "He was only trying to compliment you. Your father can be...overly dense sometimes. He didn't mean what he said."

"Yeah he did," Naruto said simply. "He meant exactly what he said. All these years he's praised Hikomi for all her accomplishments. He's never once told me I did something well. The one time he did he even added 'for someone like you' for good measure."

Kushina sighed as she gestured for her son to stand up, "Come on, and let's go for a walk."

Naruto nodded as he sprung to his feet. He quickened his pace to match that of his mother's as they walked in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence; it was more of a mutually appeasing one. The lack of words spoke of familiarity that conversation never could attend to.

He stared at his mother's pale visage with a sad smile. The only person in Naruto's life that he actually felt comfortable with was his mother. She was the only person he would willingly spend time with. That was the way it had always been. She was the only one who saw him as a person, and not the Hokage's son or Hikomi's quiet brother. She was the only one that Naruto would actually put his trust in. He could count on her to always be there for him.

"Have I ever told you how impressed I am with your Fūinjutsu?" Kushina spoke, breaking the tranquility of their walk.

"No," Naruto answered simply. There was no need for more words.

"Well I am," Kushina chuckled as her eyes glazed in remembrance. "I was trained by some of the best seals masters in history, and I wasn't even close to as good as you are when I was your age."

Naruto's lip twitched at the compliment. While on a normal person the twitch of one's lip could be overlooked, it was actually significant when regarding Namikaze Naruto. The upwards twitching of his lip was more akin to a broad grin than a meaningless act.

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you," Kushina explained her earlier words. "Your father and I both are. You can see that right?"

"Yeah," Naruto said without missing a beat. He had grown accustomed to lying to his parents in the previous years.

"You know that we'll love you no matter what; Shinobi or not." The red headed woman smiled as she straightened out her dress.

_'No matter what...'_ Naruto mentally repeated his mother's words as a smirk touched his lips. _'I wonder... Would you feel the same way if you knew how I really think? How I really feel about this village?'_

Naruto's thoughts were cut short as he felt himself lifted from the ground. His eyes narrowed as he felt himself pulled into the arms of an unfamiliar man. The cold feeling of steel pressed against his neck as he felt a sharp point draw a minuscule amount of blood from his skin.

"Stop right where you are!" The shaggy man ordered as he held a kunai against the blonde's neck. The man was dressed in rags, having obviously scavenged whatever he could find on the streets. His greasy hair was uncut and fell to his shoulders. His facial hair was an uneven mess and it was clear that he had attempted to shave the right side of his chin in the past several days. "I'll kill the kid if you move any closer!"

Kushina's heart stopped as her head snapped backwards. She watched the world in slow motion as her son was abducted by the homeless scavenger. She froze in pure terror as the monstrosity of a man jabbed his deadly weapon into her son's neck. She spoke in little more than a whisper, her lips trembling in fright, "P-please...let him go."

"Give me all your money first!" The man ordered.

Kushina nodded as she fetched her wallet from her pouch. She tossed the heavy wallet towards the man. Her mind processed information in overdrive as she attempted to conceive a plan that had even the slightest chance of saving her child.

"I said all of it!" The man's voice intensified as he increased the pressure on his knife.

"Okay." She raised her arms disarmingly as she pulled up her skirt, revealing a secondary wallet strapped to her thigh. She unstrapped the wallet and lobbed it to the highway-man. "That's all of it, I swear!"

"Good," the man nodded as his lips parted into a wide grin, broadcasting his rotten teeth for the world to see. "Now I wonder how much money I could make in ransom for the kid. I bet the Hokage pays good money for his son's safety."

As soon as these words left the man's mouth Kushina acted. Her fingers blurred through a set of three seals as she attempted to form a jutsu.

"Fuck you!" The man flashed the woman his middle finger as he attempted to plunge the knife further into Naruto's neck. Unfortunately he wasn't quite as fast as a trained Shinobi. "Damn..." The man muttered as he inspected his kill. Instead of the blond haired corpse he'd expected to see he was met with the sight of his protective mother. A kunai was buried hilt-deep in her hip.

Naruto choked on his parched throat as he tried vainly to comprehend the events that had just unfolded before his eyes. His body was frozen in shock as he stared into his mother's dimming eyes.

"Tough luck kid," the man offered his condolence as he shook his head. "She shouldn't have tried to play the hero. Shinobi or not, playing the hero never works in your favor."

Naruto glared into the murder's eyes with malevolent intent. His fingers clenched into fists as he began to walk deliberately slowly towards the man. His eyes were completely iced over; giving away absolutely no emotion. "Then how about I play the villain?"

"Heh... What are you gonna do kid?" The man taunted as he cracked his knuckles.

The academy student broke out into a full-blown sprint as launched his onslaught. He started with a left jab that was easily avoided. Spinning on his toe he launched a right-handed cross punch that connected with his opponent's face. The force of the blow easily broke the man's nose. Without missing a beat the enraged blond brought his left hand up into a vicious uppercut, connecting with the homeless man's jaw.

"Gah!" A pained cry escaped the man's parted lips as his skull ricocheted off the alley wall. It rebounded just in time to connect with Naruto's wound up haymaker. The man was unconscious before he even hit the ground.

"Die!" Naruto screamed as he opted to not let up on his prey. He continued beating on the man's still body, literally beating the body into a blood pulp.

"Naruto, stop!" Kushina's weak voice assaulted Naruto's eardrum as his gaze flickered to the paling face of his mother.

He stalked over to the dying woman, his face unreadable in the shadow of dusk. He leaned in close to get a good look at his mother's dying visage.

"Please, enough." Her voice was little more than a whisper at this point. She could feel herself faltering between consciousness and unconsciousness. She mustered up her will and spoke again, "You've always been so serious, Naruto." She ran her cold fingers over her son's lips. "You should really smile more."

Naruto nodded earnestly as an insane grin broke out on his face, "I will. Oh don't you worry about that." He fetched a kunai from his pouch as he watched his mother die. "I'll put a smile on my face that won't ever die!"

x-X-x

A strange figure exited one of Konoha's few gag shops. His face was lit up with an insane smile as he chuckled lightly under his breath. Two symmetrical slits adorned his cheeks, each starting at the crease of the lip. The slits were formed into a glasglow grin. The figure, a boy who appeared to be no older than thirteen, walked with unnaturally stiff movements. His pace was little more than a walk as he gripped multiple plastic bags full of goods.

"Heh," the figure broke into a humorless laugh as the store behind him exploded in an inferno of flames. His fingers searched through the contents of his bags as he identified each item. He had acquired various different face paints; red, black and white in color. Also in the bag was a can of green hair dye and varying articles of clothing; both purple and green in color.

He quietly escaped the seemingly impenetrable walls of Konoha. All it took was a simple explosive bomb and a smoke bomb to cover the trail.

"I'll be back, Konoha." Naruto's grin widened as she stared at the village he had grown to resent. He broke into insane laughter as he spoke once more, "When I come back I'll show you all how futile your little plan is. All it'll take is a little bit of chaos, and Konohagakure will crumble to the ground."


End file.
